SPEAKER_01
0:20 Welcome back. 0:21 Today is day five of the five things your wife or future wife needs from you as a leader. 0:27 And honestly, I have a hundred other things that I could talk about, but we only have five episodes. 0:32 So here is number five. 0:34 Your wife or future wife needs you to lead physically. 0:39 And I am sure you are thinking right now, you are crushing this one. 0:43 But I am not just talking about sex. 0:46 In fact, most of today's discussion will not be about sex. 0:50 Your leadership physically means your desire and affection, yes, but it also means your tenderness, your protection, and your pursuit. 1:00 Ephesians 5, 28 through 31 says, You should love your wives as you do your own bodies. 1:05 He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 1:17 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 1:25 Men, I don't know how well you take care of yourself physically. 1:28 Maybe you're really good stewards of the body God gave you, or maybe you can do a better job. 1:33 But I'm pretty safe in saying you don't neglect your own body. 1:38 When you're hungry, you feed it. 1:39 When you're thirsty, you drink, when you're hurting or sick, you go see a doctor. 1:43 And as a husband, your job is to tend to your wife's needs just as diligently as you tend to your own. 1:50 Physical affection should not always have to lead to sex. 1:54 If it does lead to sex, that's great. 1:56 That's a sign of a healthy intimacy between you. 1:59 But when your affection for your wife or your desire for your wife is solely and completely tied to the physical, it becomes a big problem in a marriage. 2:10 Your wife wants you to desire all of her, not just what her body can provide. 2:16 She wants the affection you have for her to go much deeper. 2:20 She wants you to desire her because she is a good wife, a good mother, she is funny, she loves you well, she gets your jokes, she takes care of you, she's a strong woman, she's a good friend, a good mentor, or whatever those things are that make her who she is. 2:35 That's what she wants you to desire more than anything. 2:40 And of course, she wants to hear from you that she's beautiful, irresistible, hot, or whatever words you use to communicate physically what she means to you. 2:48 But if that is the only thing you are communicating to her, she is probably feeling a void and less than desirable. 2:57 Joby and I love being together. 2:59 He's my best friend, and I love being with him more than anyone else. 3:02 And I say no to many things because I would rather be with him. 3:06 And he feels the same way. 3:08 We laugh, we get each other, we miss each other. 3:11 And I know that he desires me because he loves who I am. 3:15 And that deeper desire spills over into our physical relationship. 3:20 Men, are you tender with your wife? 3:24 Do you make physical gestures that create connection with her? 3:28 Do you show her physically that you love her without the expectation to go into the bedroom every time you walk by? 3:34 Or maybe you aren't showing her enough physical affection. 3:38 Small physical gestures go a long way, whether it be rubbing her back, playing with her hair, holding her hand, or just sitting beside her on the couch instead of your recliner. 3:48 Tenderness communicates that she is precious to you. 3:51 She is valuable to you, and that you desire to be close to her with no strings attached. 3:58 The second way to love her is with your protection and your security. 4:02 She needs to know you will walk through fire for her, that you will take a bullet for her. 4:08 I don't care how muscular you are or how manly you look, even if you're a little wimpy guy, she needs to know you are willing to do whatever it takes to protect and provide for her and for your family, not just physically. 4:23 She needs to know you can provide, protect, and lead. 4:27 Can she say, I know my husband is here, he stands in my corner, and I am safe with him? 4:33 Can your wife say that? 4:34 Ruth chapter two is a great example of leading through protection and provision. 4:40 Boaz notices Ruth in his fields working. 4:43 She was a poor foreign widow, which left her vulnerable, working among unfamiliar men in the fields. 4:50 Boaz notices her vulnerability and does something about it. 4:54 He takes her into his fields to be surrounded by his workers, male and female, and instructed them not to touch her. 5:01 And guess what? 5:02 In Ruth 210, she notices. 5:05 And single guys, listen up. 5:07 Boaz is not Ruth's husband yet. 5:10 His protection and provision started before they were married. 5:13 If you are dating with the intent to marry her, which I hope that is the reason you are dating, then you better start showing her how you can lead by providing and protecting her. 5:23 Husbands, are you providing and protecting your wife with all things and in all situations? 5:30 Nothing is more attractive to me physically than a man who can provide and protect. 5:36 The third way your woman needs you to lead physically is in the way you pursue her. 5:43 This begins with dating. 5:45 Men, if you are dating, the way you pursue her physically will also show her how important your relationship with Jesus is. 5:55 Is your purity in pursuing her more important than your own desire of the flesh? 6:00 You lead your relationship by setting the boundaries physically and you stick with them. 6:05 This will probably be the hardest part of your dating life, but it will be the most rewarding. 6:11 To protect her virtue, respect your beliefs, even when desires are flooding in. 6:17 That is godly biblical manhood. 6:21 Husbands, have you stopped pursuing your wife? 6:24 Too many times we walk down the aisle and say, I do, and think it's the finish line of pursuit. 6:30 You already landed her, you won the prize. 6:33 The hunt is over, right? 6:35 Not even close. 6:37 This is the starting line. 6:39 She needs to know you are still chasing after her the way you did when you were young and hopelessly in love. 6:45 Take her on a lunch date, stop by work and bring her flowers, take her to her favorite restaurant or store, and for no reason other than loving her. 6:56 Pursuit to her should feel like you are still trying to win her over. 7:00 Pursuit to her should never feel like you're looking for something in return. 7:05 If it leads to that, praise God, but never stop pursuing your wife. 7:10 Husbands, future husbands, lead by loving Christ first, by being present, by sacrificing your needs for hers, by using your words to lift her up and glorify God, and by valuing her physically. 7:25 Don't underestimate the impact influence you have. 7:28 Your love, tenderness, affection, protection, provision, and pursuit will impact your relationship in a powerful way. 7:36 Joby always says the woman sets the temperature in the home. 7:40 The way you lead the home determines what that temperature will be. 7:44 I pray God is at work in all of your marriages and relationships. 7:48 I pray your wife makes your home a safe place, peaceful place for you to land. 7:54 And I pray you make her feel loved, safe, secure, and valued. 7:59 It doesn't take perfection, it takes intentionality. 8:03 So love God, love your wife, and be diligent. 8:07 Amen.